I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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