I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Randomize
