Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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