apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
