New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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