Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
