Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Houston, we have a squirter
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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