Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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