She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
