After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
