just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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