I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
