You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The air was thick with penises
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
