Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize