She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
