Kiss
Puke
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize