Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
