that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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