i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
