I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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