He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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