My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize