I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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