his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize