when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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