Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
