Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
