Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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