let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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