shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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