if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize