Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
