its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
