He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
