Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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