i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
being pregnant is like rehab
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
