dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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