tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
