Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
