A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
