He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
