If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
love makes seman taste better
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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