bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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