im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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