she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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