Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
