I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
