you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
