Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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