ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
