508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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