your parents love me but you hate me
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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