The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
