I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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