New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
