i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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