so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
