I cannot find my penis.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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