Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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