I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
