yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
