He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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