Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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