After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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