So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
