Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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