the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Randomize
