Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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