did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
