if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
