Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
