i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
